As a young boy, John Mayer killed small animals and made necklaces out of their teeth. He penned the lyrics to Danger Zone - you know, that Kenny Loggins jam from the movie Top Gun - when he was 9 and three years later, tipped the scales at 400 pounds.
If you're gullible enough to believe all that, then you'd probably think it's true when I say I never yell at my children because they are perfect little angels who do everything I tell them with a smile on their face and a spring in their step.
Onstage in St. Louis last Thursday night, John talked to the crowd about the things he reads about himself on magazines and in the tabloids - tidbits that border on the absurd.
"[Fans] send me links from People," he said, adding, "that just tempts me to say things."
But instead of spilling the beans on the juicy stuff everyone out there wants to know - how many women he's slept with, if Jennifer Aniston's any good in bed and, of his many female companions, who is the best kisser - he told a bunch of tall tales instead.
"When I was a child I would kill small animals and wear their teeth as necklaces," he said. "True. Print that. And I've always felt deep down that I was born a woman."
Also? He's scared of the colour green and is building a time machine. He's almost halfway done.
John, I hear ya barkin', big dog. I think green's a pretty freaky colour too - especially after forking over mucho dinero to get my living room and dining room painted sage green only to have it end up looking like a hospital ward. I'm sure there's a support group out there somewhere for us.
[photo:source]
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